‘Massage’, suppose to be a relaxing and detress treatment which is good for human body. But some time a lot of peoples degrade the meaning. Chinese people pronounce the word ‘ ‘Ma-sa-gi’ ; ‘馬殺雞’, which mean ‘Horse kill Chicken’. In other words, it mean ‘Cock kill Prostitute’.
Time had gone fast, it had been two years Xiaolu worked as a masseur after he lost his office job. Xiaolu had come a long way to learn how to massage peoples. At the beginning, he received a lot of criticism about his skills and techniques. And now he felt more confident than anybody else , facing the client, he can now practicing a blind massage without looking at the clients body.
He still remember how he got involved into massage industry. He was encouraged by his best mate miss Lucy, cute chubby girl. Bad recession hit London, Xiaolu lost his office job, he forced himself to focus on other direction. He hates to work in Chinese restaurant, well, he tried before. He had been bully by restaurant staffs and discriminated by stingy Chinese boss. Every penny he get from them, is a bloody money. He has to walk thousand miles of marathon each day from dining area to kitchen. He walk until his legs feeling numb, he stand near the pillar and rest himself, and often he learn how to sleep standing like a ‘Donkey’.
Xiaolu thought if he don’t work in restaurant, what else can he do. He don’t have other skills but only computer skills which he find useless in this recession period. Xiaolu see Lucy working in Massage Parlour in town. Lucy asked Xiaolu to learn massage. Xiaolu know massage is the potential business for him as he don’t have to invest a lot of money to run this business.
Xiaolu started to search online to find which school making a best offer for massage course in London. He choose one of the well known massage school in London. He paid the course fees and started his massage lessons there. He felt like a student again, half day doing study, and half day doing practice. He learn how to touch with different strokes, different techniques to make people relax and drag their soul into the dream. Xiaolu felt a bit nervous when he was asked to be a ‘model’ for the lesson. He felt shy to expose his body to peoples. But after a while, he get used to it. He enjoy massaging man and let man massage him, not because he was gay, but he felt more comfortable to put his strong pressure without any worry.
Xiaolu managed to pass the course, he planned to start the massage business. Renting a place seem expensive for him. He can only do outcall by visiting client home or hotel. He lifestyle change, he felt like he is like a night owl. At night, owls fly out from their caves to look for meat at darkness.
Xiaolu started to receive a lot of pervert and prank calls, some asked if they are allowed to shoot three times in an hour, some wanted to get fuck, get fist, get rim. All the insane dirty calls polluted Xiaolu ears. Most callers are looking for one thing ‘SEX’, rather than massage. Most callers are only a time waster or a wanker, who only treat Xiaolu as a meat seller, who can satisfied their need with a cheap rate. There is one time Xiaolu was fooled by one big fat black guy who give Xiaolu a wrong address. Xiaolu went there, knocking the door, there is no one open the door. It is only a stupid bull dog barking inside the flat. Xiaolu suspected the man stood next door was the guy who called Xiaolu. He kept staring at Xiaolu and pretending himself talking on the mobile phone. He is a pervert big fat guy. When Xiaolu approaching him to ask a few questions, he shitting scared and started to walk away. Xiaolu recognize his low deep voice, it must be him. Xiaolu getting very annoying, he picked up his mobile and starting swearing on the phone. Since then, Xiaolu could never visited that area again. It was more terrified than a haunted village.
Xiaolu started to realise that it is not as simple job as he had thought. He met up with some old classmates, they all having a same problem, felt disgusting with the flithy clients. One of his female classmate used to work as a masseuse in night casino place. Wearing high heel whole night, walking around from one table to another just to persuade clients for massage. It is a hard job for her, often she would have to use her pocket money to cover the casino charge if she could not get enough clients. It happen that one of her colleagues was offer by a client to give a ‘blowjob’ for £1500. Wow, this is a good money for an hour blow job, people can’t resist from this offer. She obeyed quietly, followed the client going to his hotel room and get her service done. She was given generous remunerations for her fabulous mouth job.
Massage job is not easy job, a lot of peoples especially those fake amateur masseur use different tactics to attract clients. Some even offer their body to entertain and tease the clients as long as they paid a good money. Xiaolu just thought, does he want to keep this job for his whole life…..receiving lot of the wanker callers and time wasters every day. ‘No’, Xiaolu said to himself, he will not defeat by his fate, he need to change, change for a better life.
‘Love, are you feeling cold!’, Joe is such a caring guy for Xiaolu. Joe loves Xiaolu more than anyone else. When Xiaolu was depressed and sad, Joe used to said to him “I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. ‘ But Xiaolu just thought, this couldn’t be real, it would be Joe die first before Xiaolu as palmist told him he will have a long life battle for his bad destiny. Oh, god, Xiaolu thought he must had been done a lot of sins in his past life and God make him suffering in this life.
Xiaolu could never imagine one day his life will change because of Joe. It is nearly a week that Xiaolu moved to Brussels from London. Joe start to put his arm tenderly over Xiaolu shoulder, walking with a slow pace, they walk back from the quiet street of the Brussel city. Sky was low, moon was gradually dissapeared from the clouds. This is the first time Xiaolu came to Belgium, a new country and a new life for him. He thought Brussels is a good city to shoot a WEREWOLF or TWILIGHT SAGE film as it was so many old character buildings surrounded the city. It is a very quiet city for Xiaolu, even a ‘fart’ noise could break the neighbourhood dream. This is totally very different environment compare to London. No fucking ambulance noise on the street.
On the quiet street, they both walked pass the old town residential area. Not far ahead, Xiaolu can hear someone playing his favourite song which he used to sing in Karaoke bar; ‘Are you strong enough to be my man’. Xiaolu love to sing this song when he breakup with someone. He thought this song is a good remedy to overcome his sadness. He remember the last time he sang this song was in the soho bar karaoke night, it was after he received an email from Doraemon who proposed a second break up with him. Melanchony high pitched voice covering his emotion, Xiaolu hopes to gain some tears drop from the audiences. Xiaolu slowly step on the stage, grabbing a microphone and his song began…..
‘God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I’d be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?
Nothing’s true and nothing’s right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can’t change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?
Lie to me
I promise I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave…
Doraemon is a name of Japanese cartoon character, the cat-like robot from the 24 century of the future, which Xiaolu used to love a lot.
Although he looks like a blue cat without ears, Doraemon is actually a robot from the future, sent to help Nobi Nobita. Nobita is a hopeless loser, a little kid with glasses who can never get anything right. Doraemon has been sent by his great-great-great grandson to keep him from making mistakes. Out of his belly pocket Doraemon can take all kinds of wonderful gadgets from the future like the Wherever Door that takes you wherever you want to go, the air gun that produces a pulse of air to knock out your enemies, the personal copter (a little beanie that you stick on your head) which lets you fly, and the Gulliver Tunnel, which lets you shrink.Using these gadgets leads Nobita into all kinds of funny situations as he tries to become smarter, more popular, or more helpful to his parents and friends.
But the real Doraemon, Xiaolu ex boyfriend does not seem to be helpful in that way, often he always bring up the fear, worry and nervous for Xiaolu. Xiaolu has a history of making decisions very quickly about men. He always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. He has fallen in love more times than he care to count with the highest potential of a man, Many times in romance he has been a victim of his own optimism.
Doraemon is an ordinary guy who does not have a great outfits, his face is not attractive at all, small eyes with a big eyes bag, even a liposuction surgery can not improve his look. Worst receeding hair on the front, deep medditarrean bald head pattern in the middle, only Jewish hat can fixed that problem. Doraemon agreed with what his mom told him before, he look nothing like the other members of his family. He is a typical ‘Shrek’ character in the real world. Xiaolu used to taking a piss on his growing belly, it is like a pregnant woman carrying a two months baby. Now, he blamed SUBWAY grow his belly so quick. Xiaolu loves him, Xiaolu see his uglyliness as an advantage, at least it make him harder to hook up a guy or to be a play boy. Xiaolu wanted a family man like him, practicing an old man life style, sleeping at 9pm and wake up at 6am which Xiaolu was longing for a long time. A boring but normal and healthy life style. Xiaolu is a night owl, he does not prefer night life, but his night job is the only income that provide him shelter and paid for his living bills. It is his major ‘rice bowl’ that he force himself to do it.
Doraemon stayed with his ex boy friend over 6 years, the relationship is complicated and unclear. They split 2 years ago but still live together, it make Xiaolu kind of suspicious they are still a couple but having an open relationship. During the times his ex boy friend going to Asia trip, loneliness started to overwhelm him, he never experienced such loneliness before. He felt like getting a temporary ‘lover’ to ease his loneliness is the only solution. He found Xiaolu, and quickly want him to become his boyfriend. Both two was really having a good times when his ex was away. They start to date and going out together and stick like a ‘bubble gum’. Even the Swan couple in the St James Park was envy about them, felt like they are in love for thousand year already. That time, Doraemon was overheated with this new love experience. He called Xiaolu on the phone every night before he go to bed, asking Xiaolu to tell him bedtime stories. ‘Honey……Babe…..and mwahhhh….mwahhhh’ has became his favourite words to tease Xiaolu on the phone every night. Xiaolu want to set back a little bit, he does not trust ‘phone intimacy’, he wanted to have a realistic love which two peoples can share their affections face to face.But that is hard to happen.
Not long after their dating periods, his ex came back, bad new for Xiaolu. Things started to change, Doraemon started to making lies to Xiaolu. He tried to avoid meeting Xiaolu. Pity, Xiaolu still not know what exactly is going on. Coming back to London, his ex bring him a bad new, sooner he will leave UK and back to his country of origin for good to run his family business. Life move on, but Doraemon still could not awake from his own fantasy, he wanted to spend more times with his ex before he leaves UK. Initial proposed plan to stay together with Xiaolu does not result. A few days later, Xiaolu received his email want to break up and would like to be a normal friend.
My feelings for you were I liked you and felt at ease and comfortable with you and thought we would be a good couple. I still feel at ease with you but I do not know why but the feeling of wanting more has disappeared. Although we enjoy a few things in common I do not think this would be enough to sustain anything more than friendship. We both have different lifestyles and this I think would conflict in the future, especially if we were to live together.
I like you as a friend and hope we can remain friends. This has not been a rushed decision, I thought about it all week. I hope you understand
Xiaolu was a bit upset of his decision, this is fucking madness and he could have stop this happen at the first place. This is completely different than what he told Xiaolu when they met.
‘Oh my god, what happen to this guy?’ Xiaolu asked himself. What about those text messages that Doraemon sent to him, does it only another session of Nintendo games?? and what about all those plans that they had make, those words that he promised. Immediate after reading the email, Xiaolu dreams was destroyed. All his dreams was going down to the drain. Xiaolu kept looking on his text messages, those beautiful words now turning into ashes.
….Honey, please bear with me it wil change soon for better when we live together I will give you everything…xxx
….it is what I meant but you already have my heart, I am your no need to worry. xxx
….I should have not planned anything with you, but not realise was gonna be so busy, I will make up to you ….xxx
All these happen in this short Summer season, may be what Doreamon chasing for is a only a season love, new season come he got to replace a new lover.
Xiaolu thought, ‘You bloody heartless guy, okay, I will put myself on male auction market again to let peoples bid me, I am sure some ‘sticky rice queen’ will make some good offer to this ‘asian hot chili’. A few weeks later, Xiaolu decided to go to his place to collect back his stuffs. While they met, Doreamon can’t resist of losing Xiaolu as he know that he will soon losing his ex. He told Xiaolu to give him a chance to start all over again. Xiaolu remind his behaviour is like a stray dog biting a bone on the street, when they have enough, they will throw it far far away. Xiaolu need to take a precaution for not letting the same scenerio happen again. Xiaolu could not resist himself from this temptation. Xiaolu gave him a chance to show if he is sincere wanted him back. Two months had passed, Xiaolu could never have a chance to meet him, when Xiaolu trying to find out what is happening. He confessed that he started to miss his ex and he do not want to fallen in love or having a boy friend. This was his second propose break up email, after all they have not meet each other from the first break up.
Hope you are well and not too busy dear.
I have been avoiding you sorry for that.
But being in Nottingham has gave me time to think again.
To be honest, I can not lie to you, since my ex went back I missed him,
I guess although we haven’t been boyfriend for nearly 2 years, we still been close
and this is the first time been apart from him knowing he will not come back.
I have tried to get on with my life, and thought i could but him going home made it harder.
I like you, as I sad before as a friend and thought I could be more with you, again, the truth,
at the moment I do not feel like a relationship, i do not even feel like falling in love, with anyone.
Xiaolu believes love come in nature way, when it happen it happen. He never tried to force or rule the thing. Xiaolu give up on him finally. He has to let him go. Xiaolu is now waiting for the possibilty of turning this failed relationship into a friendship. Week had gone by and slowly month had gone by. There is still no phone calls or any text message receive from him. Xiaolu hates to wait anymore, he has enough of waiting in his life, just like waiting for his limbo case, waiting endlessly. Xiaolu know he only live once, all these time he was feared to face his new life and make a big step out of UK. Now suddenly his mind change, he planned to leave this sad country and his miserable life in UK. Next destination for him is Belgium, a new hope and fresh start for him. He did not bear to plan anything, he hopes that god will fulfill his dream, give him an opportunity to start a brand new life one day in other country. He realised that there is no true love in this London city, yeah….every man come to him with a same fucking reason, wanted to use his hot body and soul, and then leave him alone, mess about his life like a NINTENDO games. Tonight, Xiaolu go online to search for his EuroStar ticket and informations about the Belgium country. His mind getting blurry, floating with Eminem latest song ‘I Love the way you lie’. On that precious night, he watching the moon, vaguely conscious and he know his story with London will ending soon.
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that’s alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that’s alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you’re with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit ’em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get ’em
Now you’re getting fucking sick
Of looking at ’em
You swore you’ve never hit ’em
Never do nothing to hurt ’em
Now you’re in each other’s face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit ’em
You push
Pull each other’s hair
Scratch, claw, bit ’em
Throw ’em down
Pin ’em
So lost in the moments
When you’re in ’em
It’s the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it’s best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don’t know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It’s a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin’ over
But you promised her
Next time you’ll show restraint
You don’t get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that’s why they call it window pane
Love is like a blazer, when love is over, it will leave you a cut in your heart and let your soul to bleed. A week ago friend told me her unforgettable love story, which I think is another version of chinese ‘Titanic’, which is heart & breathtaking and also touching. Her name is Wah lu lu, mid 30s lady, slim body with sexy big lips cover with her one land hair style. It is a bit like old Japanese Samurai movie. This hair style is her trademark, one eye is hidden behind her hair and often caught a lot of attentions. Wah lu lu met ah Bean online, on 25th of March. Bean was a sloppy bloke around early 40s with salt and pepper receeding hair (no.1 crop), chunky hairy body with lumpy arse. It is quite a proportion balance body really and it is okay to look at the front but the back just like oil tank and shapeless.
Wah lu lu starts to set up a date to meet up with Bean. It was one Saturday morning, Lulu wearing his black leather jacket to impress and she rush to the station when Bang arrived. ‘Hmmm… what a man…’ Wah lu lu said to herself and express with smiling welcome face to Bean. Bean actually do not smile back but put his serious face as usual like killer.
As Wah lu lu take him to her room, it was a small room with a bed , a computer table and a wall cupboard. At this moment, Wah lu lu using her charm to seduce him, unbutton his checker shirt, slowly moving her hand to his chest. Bean doing the same and it makes Wah lu lu feel wanted, horny and juicy, she feel herself wet like a monsoon season. Wah lu lu could not wait any more longer and straight jump into her bed with him and start to play ‘Crouching tiger and Hidden dragon’ movies. Two heart was beating like a drum in the movie. First meeting and first intimacy, everything happen in this hot moment. It is the moment that they heat up themselves like frying egg in the oil pan. I guess Cupid angel must have chosen them and planning to set them up so quickly.
Bean and Lu lu progress like speed dating. Bean proposed to have relationship after a month meeting with Lu lu. He proposed more meeting during the weekday after finished work and also the weekend. Lu lu was kind of doubt and unsure if this is coming too quickly. She wanted to start it slowly and get to know Bean first. Bean did not give her a breath, wanted her to come to his life. Bean know Wah lu lu is such a hot bid in ‘ebay’, if he do not bid her now’, someone will take her immediately.
Sometimes when things going too fast it is always having a drawback. They skip the ‘friendship’ stage and jump into ‘relationship’, which at the end does not work out. They start to going out together, eating together, watching telly and movies together, walking together and explore the city together. Wah lu lu show me her text from her mobile, all the intimacy text from Bean are still kept it.
wo ai lulu again (30/07) …wo ai nee even even more (21/06) wo ai nee (18/06) ..thinking of you (16/06) …xx plus xxx.etc…
Those text messages does not mean any sign of contract that could stable the relationship. One night they went out together, they went to the Elephant Graveyard. It is an old pub where many old peoples are waiting to die there. Wah lu lu is a light weight drinker, she cannot manage to drink a pint of beer or 2 glasses of wine. Wa lu lu got very drunk in the end, she know that she could not take it anymore and her stomach is feeling sick, she rush to the ladies and vomit it out. Tear in her eyes, half consciously staring at Bean, just like an pregnant women who are struggling giving a birth to a new child. Her face look pale, her visual feeling weak. Bean insist want to go back home by Taxi. Lulu stops him as she know Taxi charges will be expensive after midnight in London. They walk to the bus stop and catch the first bus and second bus home. Bean was hugging her like a pillow, it make Lulu feel more uncomfortable and breathless. Wa lulu ask him to release her as she feel want to vomit it again. When they arrived home, Wa lulu rush to toilet and having a throw out again, all those Chinese noodles and chicken fried rices that she eat today are wasted in the toilet bowl. Lulu flush the toilet and resting herself in Bean room. It was late, Lulu was tired….falling asleep unconsciously. Bean going down to surf the net again, Bean feel like without Internet online one day, his life could be shorten one day. This is how digital culture had dehumanized ourselves and our daily life.
Bean was sleeping on the crouch at living room. When Wah lulu come down, she notices that some windows pop up on the computer, oh….dear….Bean is into the sex chat room again. He try to hook up some bitch online. He want to know the opposite is top or bottom, how many style or options can they do.. like Kamasutra or Zen sex or even Yoga sex, bending all the way down to lick the toes. Wah lulu feeling a bit hurt as he is unfaithful to her. She gently wake Bean up to show him that someone are waiting to chat with him. Bean wake up with embrassed smile and switch off the computer and heading to up stair to continue his sleep.
Next day, they both have an issues, Wah lulu meet him in Camden Town, wanted to know what is the meaning of relationship to him. Bean starts to get angry as he feel ashamed of what he had been done and avoid to answer. Bean go to the cosy pub, have a pint of beer and proposed to break up with Lulu. The reason he gives is Lulu did not engaged much with his surrounding friends or family which do not fix into his policy. Wah lulu know the real reason behind, she keep quiet and left the pub. On the way to the underground station, Wah lulu start to know Bean is a ‘Heartless Cruel Bastard’. In the other hand, she act like a tough girl condolence Bean not to feel upset about this. But Lulu heart is crying like waterfall, she never going to let Bean discover it. I guess this is how Taurus sign people handle things. Lulu know Bean make a mistake but still love him very much. She know how the relationship work, she has had a tough experience in the past. Lulu know the principle how to set him free if she still love him.
They agree a week not seeing each other, just to frozen themselves. Bean wanted to be friend, he need more time to cool things down and changing the status from boyfriend to friend. In a week time, Bean was enjoy himself out of the blue outside, poor Lulu still feeling sad at home. I don’t understand why Lulu is so enjoy ‘sadness and loneliness’. She could have going out and be a play girl like Bean. Be selfish and forget about things. But she did not want to as she still keep her faith. She know if one want to be a whore, it does not mean anyone else want to follow the same.
A week later, Bean agree to meet her again. Lulu was proposing new ‘open relationship policy’ to him. Bean agree to give a go. From that moment, Lulu don’t even dare to mention about the word of ‘boyfriend’ and ‘relationship’. Two big words that could scare Bean off. A series of meetings start again between them two. A week is a genuine period to try out this new aspects of relationship. It is new experience as Bean thought he can still be himself as a playboy, online to look for sex while still having someone to love him. How convenient and a good deal of this ‘love trade’. Miss Ching, another aussie friend of Bean come to visit London. Wah lulu and Ching became a good friend of as they have something in common to talk about .. "Man hunting". They going out a lot and share the experiences. She know the case of Wah Lulu getting drunk and Bean still kick her out from the house and enjoy himself in the sex club. Poor Lulu force to go back to her flat on her own in the drunk condition. She felts down from the staircase and hit her right eye. Miss Ching was concern about Lulu and raise the relationship issue again.
Ching asked: ‘Lulu, why and what is your reason you love Bean’.
And she continue asked again: ‘if you have some bad things happen, will Bean come immediately to see you’. Lulu remained quiet.
Ching mentioned she can only be a good friend of Bean. Lulu do not want to reply, as she agree with all the policies which Bean had set up. She just wonder how stupid she was to meet Bean in the soho bar without ringing him. It is not a respect thing to do to meet her boyfriend without ‘making any appointment’. But Lulu only understand going to GP surgery need an appointment booking but do not understand to meet Bean also need an appointment. Worse situation is Bean meeting miss Kimono in the bar having a private chit chat. Bean want more personal space and be private. And Lulu just do not get it. Lulu know miss Kimono, she pointed out to Bean there is no reason of him getting angry without ringing. Bean used to ask Lulu to join them before in the bar and introduce Kimono to her. They are quite enjoy the conversation together a few months ago. And now that situation change and Bean change his policy too. From that moments, Lulu start to realize that Bean does not love her anymore. He give thousand of reason to make herself guilty. Bean is the winner and poor Lulu only a loser.
Lulu remember another x-girlfriend of him, Joey. Joey is a very feminine women, late 30s, she walk on the street like Japanese Geisha. Slow pace and carrying her big hand bag. Her appearances is full of surprise and character. Joey told Lulu that Bean can make up his own words to make you feel guilty. Yes, Bean is right, he even said himself in his profile that he is a cunt or a twat. He don’t know how to love and he don’t know what he want. He is not able to handle relationship as he can only hurt people feeling. Joey said that he only know how to take but not given. Joey said this guy got a serious problem, to love him need a lot of efforts and she wish Lulu good luck. Joey words was more accurate than you go to play tarot card. She is a fortune teller. She can predict the future, whoever with Bean cannot be maintain for a long period.And she is right. May be Bean love life had been cursed by someone. Wah Lulu manage to stay up the relationship with the maximum period of seven months. She thought open relationship can prolong forever, but still not the case. She is upset and she is furious about her own luck and hard life.
Bean mentioned to Lulu that he can only provide a crap relationship and shagging around while he is still with her. The reason he stay in the relationship because he do not want to upset Lulu. Bean just want to develop a friendship with Lulu, but to do so, it will take time. A guy with no respect to people are really hard to handle. At the end, Lulu has to give up as she already try it very hard to love him. At the end Lulu still keep her promise to set Bean free.
I say I love you, but you say you want to have freedom.
Why is freedom more important than love? Without love freedom is naked. Why can’t love live with freedom? Why is love the prison for freedom? How many people live in this prison then?
After set him free, he feel happy again, his mood is like English weather. But on the hand, Lulu lock herself up from the outside world. Some love can be ugly. She know it is time to let him go. Her depression is coming back. She feel sad and pray to god for more sadness. She is unhappy and the winter weather make her unstable emotion even worse. She is thinking of dying. Yes, it is a way to settle from her pain and sadness. She choose to die in a beautiful way. She watch the movie of ‘Yuan Lin Yi’, She want to die like her. Cooking poison porridge and feed herself slowly. Let the poison slowly penetrate to her body and vein. She get a small bottle of sleeping pill, set up her alarm clock. In the middle of the night, when the night is still blue. Moon are still isolate from the clouds. Lulu look out to the sky and get a bottle of wine, it was ‘Roses’, her favorite wine. She start her first glass of wine in her room. Slowly and continuously taking her pills like eating M&M chocolates. She knows she will release from her problems soon and sooner will start a new life again. She hated the feeling of struggle in UK so long and get nothing in the end. It is her poor destiny. Her last hope…..is to die.
Next day, policeman call me up after tracking her mobile phone. I was asked by police if i know this person, Lulu. And I get the shocking new that she had gone!….she left the world which treat her unfairly…she left with all the problem that she hate to face it anymore. She ended the last chapter of her life.
This was the last time I saw her in hospital, her face look incredible pale like curdled milk but still look sexy like she was alive before. Her body was cover by white sheet and ready to go for dead body department for experiment. I know Wah Lulu already for 8 years, but I never thought that this is her ending. For me, Wah Lulu is tough, hard working and easy going girls. She is very daring to love, and ready to give up everything just for her blind love. My tears was drop down slowly from my eyes…My heart was bouncing fast, I took a deep breath. And I said to Wah Lulu, now …it is time for you to have a good rest, no one will come to trouble you anymore. Farewell, my good friend, you will live in my heart forever even through you had gone. May be one day, we still can meet in the heaven…..and sing our favourite song together….TEAR IN HEAVEN
Would you know my name If I saw you in heaven? Would it be the same If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong And carry on, ‘Cause I know I don’t belong Here in heaven.
Would you hold my hand If I saw you in heaven? Would you help me stand If I saw you in heaven?
I’ll find my way Through night and day, ‘Cause I know I just can’t stay Here in heaven.
Time can bring you down, Time can bend your knees. Time can break your heart, Have you begging please, begging please.
Beyond the door, There’s peace I’m sure, And I know there’ll be no more Tears in heaven.
Would you know my name If I saw you in heaven? Would it be the same If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong And carry on, ‘Cause I know I don’t belong Here in heaven.
I start to read again….Actually reading is not my hobby but sometime I love to stand in the book shop and just to flip over the magazine. I can’t really bother to buy them, I prefer to live in a simple life….adding too much stuffs in my room are merely to adding burden on my shoulder. Recently, I accidently found one good book in the book shop. And I start reading the back cover of the book with lots of comments from fellow writers and newspapers. Yes, this is the one that i would love to read, I told myself.
The book title is ‘The concise Chinese-English dictionary’ and the author is Xiaolu Guo, a young bright Chinese female author from China who just started to write English novel. The story is simple, funny, wise and hilarious and it begin with a Chinese girl named ‘Zhuang’ or miss ‘Z’ come to study English language in UK. She pointed out her confusion on east and west cultures, make her own comment on many different views of open minded and civilized world of West Country. She questioned why peoples can get ‘porn’ magazine in any book shop in London, but hardly see them reading it in the cafe. And she is the one who enjoy reading the porn magazine inside the cafe . She questioned why people in the east country working hard to make a living but people in the west always planning for holiday and having a ‘TEA BREAK’.
Most of the chapters cover the love story between she and her English man, a bachelor with deep socialist thinking and influences. He likes to collect the old things and prefer to live in village rather than London city. A man she could fall for his soul and die for. A man with a complicated background who had sex experience with men and women. A man who is doubt or wonder if another person can fix into his life after being single for so long. A year of study in UK, she learns a lot, stealing the language and the culture of the west. As time go by, her loves was getting deeper and deeper. The guy could not decide what he would like for his future life, he only live in present and not really planning to form a family in future. And at last, the relationship was fading away with Zhuang forcing to go back to China to fulfill her mission for her parents. The story was touching and beautiful. It is worth to buy and read it on your own.
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"
In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind. Here’s the answer. EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse / partner . You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies(unconventional behavior/habit). Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.
You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called "falling" in love… Because it’s happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling in love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria(excitement)of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?"
And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.
This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious.
But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.
I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That’s why we have the __expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.
It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable… you can "make"love. Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"… Not just a feeling. Remember this always: "God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."
I had been dissapear for a while…thought it is time to come back and speak out again. In our life, farewell things always happen, people come and go….there are so many passer by in our life. Once leaving, u hardly see or meet them again. Less and less chance u will meet up with them again. Just for example, i have not see my family for nearly 5 years. That feeling become strange and sometime I could only miss the day I had spent with them.
Well, today my topic is not about my family…..it is about my company. New year, People always have new resolution. Suddenly…. there are 4 girls leaving at one go. They decided to leave our fun and flexible company. I could certain that my boss are feel ashamed to have them leave the company. We have lost 4 different nationalities girls, this girls represent HK, GERmany, ARGentina and BRAsil. What a shamed! Some have been long attached with our company and we have to accept the reality that end of this month…. things will change without them. To show my condolences and sadness, I had create a funky and creativity farewell card for them (just to contribute my part in this sad event). And this card I had use my whole heart and calling all my soul and squeeze all my brain juice to design it. Money can’t buy them at all, and all copyright reserved. No one can be my COPY CAT! you will see it later (if you begging me).
Anyway, farewell always have lost and gain. Unfortunately I would said that one of my good mate are leaving too, She is the one I could make joke with when i get bored of my work. She is young, quiet, charming and always smiling at me…and she is the only girls in the office who can accept my crazy joke and temper. I tend to taking a piss on her stomach all the time (I feel guilty now), she is so young but like drinking the beer and cannot resist of the delicious food.We both two are KFC loyal customer, we are like an old car need to filling the petrol inside our body. Even though they is long que and we run out of time during lunch time…but we still patiently waiting to refill the FAT to our body inside KFC.
Her belly starting to grow bigger and bigger, if the stranger meet her, they will always have a wrong idea if this woman pregnant. But this fat body does give her some benefit too…..She is the one who get seat in the train no matter how crowded it is. People on the train always give her a first class careness. This making me jealous…. As a good friend of her, I had so many times give her a hint like her mum, asking her to lose FAT…..she just dont listen to me. I always pointing on her stomach and told her ‘hey baby, you should do something’ or ‘when will baby come out to face the world’. She just reply with a smile and walk away. Thinking of changing her, wanted to transform her, and have being once shopping with her in oxford street, testing and trying so many clothes which suit her WEIGHT &SHAPE! But all my effort seem does not work at all….she ….doesn’t not listen and ended up buying nothing. Aiiiiiiii. (sighed)….this is women, women could not make up her mind when they come to shop.
Some of them really have to let them go…..too much complaint at the office. Too bossy and try to control and manipulated people.For e.g. U can’t leave your print out in printer for second, she will email to everybody to acknowledge people that you are lazy to collect your printout. You cannot cough in the office, she will shout out your name and let everyone know you are making some uncontrol noise! If people leave office at 6pm, her eyes starting to get irritating and red…..even PHARMACY EYES DROP could not cure this RED EYES DISEASE. OH my lord, where is our human right preserve? I am such a innocent guy, sitting next in front of her is a bad ‘FENG SHUI’…although i have a berlin wall between us. I can imagine myself working in the LIBRARY! Only keyboard noise allowed and no other noise making. You will get shoot by a MOUTH BULLET !! Sometime i just confused if she got a DNA of our FAMOUS GERMAN HITLER! You may think this is a joke but it is a 100% truth, it does happen…and it sound crazy.
A lot of women nowadays don’t know how to behave like a woman anymore. Where are the old day woman value gone? where they prepared everything and serve everything for man…..man is their mountain, their sun, their hero…or their warrior ….. inside the room, on the bed, bathroom or kitchen. Only thing i remember is my friend told me that should train them become a prostitute, only prostitute know how to behave like a woman and serve the best for men. I just could not control laughing after i heard it. But after all when i think over again, i agree with my friend, yeah….let them be a prostitute, and let them sing ‘shania twain’ famous song’ ……U MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WOMAN!!!!
Do you believe in Ghost? Do you think the Ghost are real?
Most people know of at least one ghost story that has been told as being true within their family. Many of us even remember living near a haunted house when we were young. As children we tend to believe these ghost stories are real, but by the time we grow up we often consider ghosts to be as mythical as Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or the Great Pumpkin. Humans have always been both fascinated and afraid of the unknown.
Recently, one of my friend house had became a haunted house, that make my friend really scare of living alone in the house and start to seek help from friend to accompany him to live together for temporary. I have never been to his house, through my friend message, this friend of mine have double storey house with a very dark corner staircase. According to one of the master of black magic said, the characteristic of this house had encourage ghost exist and hiding. It is fascinating to tell ghost story when you live in far east compare to where i am now in UK. It seem like I had never listen or hear any ghost story since i was here, and most of the guys i have contact with are really scare of creepy and horror things. So, i always end up like watching the horror or scary movie alone. I always find scary and creepy movie able to turn me on…make me feel more exciting (but not in the sexual way, don’t get the wrong idea ).
Here I want to share my personally experience. When i was young i had experienced of hearing a ghost crying (similar to dog howling). That was a long long time ago when i used to live in a small village. In front of my house is an abandoned 18 storey flats which had stop construction process for a while. That night i still remember i was having a break after a dinner. I walk around in front of my house, suddenly, i hear a noise of women with a baby crying…that was real. That women crying are absolute not as normal as human crying. It cause you horror feeling and freeze inside your body. To prove my ear are not wrong, i go inside and told one of my neighbour, i grab her outside to hear if the sound exist. And she hear it as well, and quickly instructed me to go inside my house. I was scare at that time, but feel like to hear more. The women keep crying and never stop even i went in. I wonder if i run into the construction site at that time, will i really see HER…the Ghost??? this is my untelling truth story of hearing ghost crying. If i have chance again, i wouldn’t mind to hear it once more times.
One of the oldest questions in the world is this:’ If God really exists, why is there so much suffering in the world?’
At first, this question appears really resonable. After all, the world really is in a bad shape. Increasing violence and crime, wars, terrorism, financial olatility, corruption, innocent children starving, drugs, teenage pregnancy on the rise, abuse….The list is too long.
People tend to think that God should intervene in world events and prevent or remedy the suffering of humanity. Something tell us that a God who is supposedly so powerful and good cannot just stand by and watch people in distress. And yet, if we really think about this question, we will quickly find the foolishness of it. Let me illustrate this with a short story.
A man went into a barbershop for a haircut and, as usual, he and the barber started talking. Sports, the weather, movies, the odd joke. As the barber finished off his artwork, he said to his customer proudly, "You look very smart! Where are you going tonight?" The man, brushing off the hair on his clothes, replied, "I’m goig to church actually. Want to come with me?" The barber answered, "No thanks, I don’t believe in God," and gave him the ‘If-God-exists-why-is there so much suffering in the world’ talk.
Upon hearing that, the man looked out to the bus stop across the street and noticed a grungy, long-haired guy weraing a thick, untrimmed beard that measured down to his chest. Turning to the barber, the man said, "There are no barbers in this town."
"Excuse me? What do you mean?"
"Clearly, if there were any barbers in this town, then that man over there would’t look like that. Surely by now a barber would have given him a proper shave and a haircut."
"Well, if that man wants his hair cut and his beard shaved, all he has to do is walk into my shop and ask for it. It’s not my fault he chooses to go around looking like that."
"Exactly." The man paid the barber and said as he left, " Now, You are beginning to look smart too.
I don’t use to take night bus during my study period at UpNorth UK. Moving to London, seem everyone like to have a late nite out druing weekend. The only transport to go back home is night bus. It could be a long wait sometime to wait for them, I especially hate to wait during the cold winter night. I felt my legs is frozen. It was not too bad for me right now because i was staying in Central London which is quite convenient for me, only take about 30mins to go back home. That is a different than before which I used to take an hour of night bus going home, that is really a pain for me. Sometime it is normal for me to caught asleep. I still Remember one time which i have to wake up by the driver because of the last stop of bus destination. That is the embrassed moment i had ever have, wake up in the middle of my dream and no knowing where exactly i am. Searching way to walk by home.
The other day, i see a Fat Asian guy going out with mates, catching the same night bus as me heading home. Two Asian who are nearly caught asleep but not quite. When the bus arrive near King Cross, his mates wake this fat asian guy up, pointing to him the door direction and ask him to get off the bus. The guy stand up and not know what he is suppose to do. Get off the bus or stay in??? His mates keep shouting at him and trying to push him forward the door and get him down. But this guy struggle to get in again. What a crazy scene? Everybody seem enjoy watching their funny act.
The bus driver keep driving and come to the next stop, his mates shouting at him saying that there is no chance for him to accomodate him. seem very annoying and get off the bus while this fat guy still in the Zombie situation. As the bus keep driving, no longer this fat guy seem to realise that is far ahead from where he live. slowly….clumsily he get off the bus with so many eyeing on him.
Youuuuuuu Whooooooo !!! im back …..back to my virtual world again. Here is where i build my Kingdom.
It had been a while since i wrote my last blog. Time had passed very quick, it is the end of the year, November and then December…and then New Year ….January ….New Spring Season again. Luckily i did not stay in Lincoln anymore, during this time of period, it leaving only COLD and SORROW! leaving me all the sadness. Still expect London could change my life, but it does not so far. Still alone, eating alone, shopping alone, walking alone and sleeping alone. Living in the city life, kind of very hard to find a soul mate that can share a happiness together. Friend of mine are career addictive, which meanthey work in the accounting field….seem everything concern with calculating….before invite them to going out, their mind starting counting the FIGURES!!! and it SUCK! Thinking of how much they are going to spend, how much is going for a meal, how much is the transportation. It is boring and hard to invite them out. Anyway, those people….are really sad….become slave of materialism.
Funny how recently I had listened to one of my close friend, he is telling me that he met someone special, special in the way that he know he has a strong financial background, his family had owned a property construction business…..and he has a potential to be rich in future, 25 years old already own 2 house…not BAD huh!!
I really hate accounting and don’t enjoy counting at all…. I failed accounting during my A level which was kind of expected. Glad to said i am not born to COUNT!!
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!!! im back …..back to my virtual world again. Here is where i build my Kingdom.
Deep in my heart I ask myself 